THE SOCIAL QUADRANT
Social could include:
Those involved may be experiencing some of the following:
- Nobody talks about the illness.
- The person with the illness is not cared for, due to fear of the illness.
- Your friends do not visit you any more.
- You feel loss because you have lost contact with these friends.
- You can’t go to Church, or socialize with your friends.
- You can’t work anymore.
- You don’t earn money, and can’t support your family.
- The terminally ill person may feel he/she is a burden to his/her loved ones.
- The person has lost his/her independence.
You will experience multiple losses, socially
But what can you do about it?
Remember we cannot change realities – But, we can try to change our attitude … HOW? … By Caring for yourself in a caring and non-judgmental way. If you can accept yourself, you will allow those who want to help you, to come closer to you. There are always options and new windows to look through, but you must want to look through them! There are several organizations who are dedicated to support you through this difficult time. You could even join a group and meet other people who are experiencing a similar trauma as you. Try not to take others’ reactions personally, as they are experiencing their own losses, and feelings of helplessness, and don’t always know how or what to say … Their fear and ignorance about the illness may also cause them to withdraw.
- Encourage the patient to become involved in his or her own care.
Don’t avoid the person, include him or her in activities, whenever possible.
Don’t be afraid to discuss the disease. People need to talk about their illness, and work through what is happening.
- It is important not to ignore your own needs. Unless you take care of yourself you will not have the inner resources to care for the patient.
How can Hospice Care with you?
We provide a Service to help meet and satisfy the Patient and Loved One’s Needs for nursing care, symptom management, pain control, nutritional planning, psycho-social, spiritual upliftment and bereavement support, thereafter. Because terminal illness disrupts a family’s equilibrium, the patient and their loved one’s become the focal point of our Hospice team.
Following in the footsteps of Dame Cicely Saunders, founder of the worldwide Hospice Care Movement, the Hospice-in-the-West has this dream: That every terminal patient in our beautiful land be granted the opportunity to “Really Live” until their very last moment of life. To make this dream come true, we need Your help – so that people who have little time left in this life can enjoy their final days free from pain and other symptoms, be at peace, and continue being surrounded by their loved one’s. Your support makes possible either the establishment of, or the maintenance of, Hospice care, in the security of the Patient’s own home.
REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
The Emotional quadrant
The emotional quadrant is the part of us where all our Feelings are kept.
Feelings of Hope Guilt
Out of Control Meaninglessness
Feelings are very Real and are a definite part of us. Each feeling is a Teacher. Take time to FEEL your feelings. This may sound silly, but it isn’t. Many of us ignore our feelings, and they, in time, manifest through our physical quadrant, for example: When you are tense and nervous your hands are wet – But it does not mean you have to go to the doctor! Emotionally you are Afraid, Insecure and Nervous. But because we do not allow ourselves to feel those feelings, our Body has to show us what we are feeling!
When we are experiencing Loss and Change, we go through different stages of emotions, in order to cope. These stages are normal – There is no wrong and no right! All of us experience these stages, no matter how young or old we are, and no matter what kind of loss it is. Remember it’s OK to FEEL, whether it’s Tears of Sadness, Tears of Anger, or Tears of Joy.
Living as a whole person means acknowledging the physical, social, emotional and spiritual quadrants in us, and becoming aware of the balance within ourselves. Our feelings need us to just BE and FEEL. Accept the wisdom of your Being.
- Learn to express your feelings in a way that is appropriate for you.
- Learn to love your Angry Self, Sad Self, Impatient Self etc.
- Once you have felt it – let go of it.
- If you find it hard to let go, try:
o Going for a walk
o Scream (into a pillow, in the care or even in the bathroom),
o Take a few deep breaths,
o Call a friend or counsellor.
STAGES OF LOSS
DENIAL = You feel shock
You can’t believe what has happened
You feel frozen and numb
Yu feel powerless
It is normal – the body protects you against your feelings!
What can you do?
Understand that this is a way of coping; to adjust to the Loss or Change. Just be there lovingly when a person is in the denial stage, and let them know that you are available when they want to talk.
ANGER = The “Why me?” stage
You feel rage
You feel envy
You feel resentment
You feel irritated and snappy
You may be angry with:
Wrong decisions Society
- You may be angry at losing control
- We use anger when we hurt inside, and we fear getting more hurt.
- We use anger to hold people away from us.
- When we are angry we feel out of control within, and therefore control everyone around us.
What can you do?
Have empathy – Feel WITH them, imagine yourself in their place – you would be angry too!
Do not respond with hasty criticism, do not kill them with kindness. Affirm what they are feeling: “don’t you feel like screaming?” Don’t take it personally if you are a target for an outburst of anger; understand and acknowledge what they are feeling.
What is “empathy”?
- Yes! A heart with ears!
- Warm Heart with big Ears – Someone who listens to another’s innermost emotions, someone who really Hears what the other’s heart is telling them. Listen to understand, not listen to fix.
BARGAINING The “Yes, But…” stage
The “If only…” stage
We bargain with life and God in order to find meaning to what’s happening.
We bargain to justify, and to become part of the process.
- You may feel you want a second opinion.
- You may feel you want to try a new diet.
- You many feel you want to dedicate your life to God.
In other words; you want to try different methods of coping.
This is a wonderful, creative stage, the person is in search of Hope and Meaning. Hope is a Reliance on the future that protects us from the “Now” that is too painful.
What can you do?
Support and understand that it is hard to accept. It is important to have hope and meaning. Do not lie – Be real and honest, do not encourage false hope, and, above all, have patience! AND LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!
DEPRESSION Is the stage where we start feeling the loss and facing the reality. This stage is very normal and should not be feared. It can be likened to a tree that is going through seasons of Autumn and Winter.
You may feel
This is where the emotional work gets done. “Depression is the womb in which a new choice or way of Being grows!” We start preparing for the loss; the person may need time to be alone and to be quiet.
What can you do?
Try to understand. Be aware of YOUR need to get the person out of depression, then resist it. This can be a good time for quiet hand-holding, and to support the person with unconditional love.
is the stage wh Here we give up and become victims. We believe we do not have a choice, nor a right, we feel out of control, and we forget about our Inner Strength. If you are caring for someone who is in resignation, you may start to feel helpless.
What can you do?
Encourage them to look at other options, acknowledge what they are feeling, and remind them of the important role which they still have to play. Give them their power back by giving them responsibility.
ACCEPTANCE This is the stage where we can see the gift of the experience. Acceptance does not mean that the experience is OK, it simply means you have worked through many of the Stages of Loss.
Remember everyone involved will experience feelings and stages of loss. There is no right or wrong, do not take it personally, and only take responsibility for what YOU are feeling. If you try to defend, justify or take things personally, you will not Hear the other person, and you will move away from each other, instead of coming closer.
The Hospice movement knows how to help you and empower you through these stages.
Expressing our Feelings, can help us to make space for Love and Forgiveness and Meaning. It will help us to reach Acceptance.
TO FEEL IS TO HEAL!!